Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
