you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
