Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
