Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
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We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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