Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
