What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
