I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
