and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
