And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
