U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
