im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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