The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
