you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
