Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
