Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
