You're my little dorito
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
