I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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