turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
