It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
