No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
