I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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