Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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