The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
