his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
