Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
