He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
