The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
