So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
