Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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