i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
