I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
