its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
