He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
