Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
