remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
