I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
