so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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