fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
