Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
