There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Drunk is not a location!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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