I just saw a hot homeless man
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
