apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
