but the lizard people decide everything anyway
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
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