i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
