I swear god or herbie drove my car home
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
