I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
