okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
