I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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