Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
