this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
