Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
