Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
