I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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