he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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