I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
