I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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