Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Come see our sink grown plant.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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