At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
