i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
