Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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