Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
