it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Actions speak louder than pants.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
