I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
