he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
