Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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