I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
