I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
