Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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