So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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