dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
