I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
