I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
