you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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