I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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