i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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