wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
