he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
