whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
