Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
