Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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