Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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