Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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