you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
