I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
